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In The News:Nerdy Proposal:Hiding a ring in a bouquet just wasn’t enough when a computer programmer decided to pop the question. Bernie Peng reprogrammed Tammy Li’s favorite video game, “Bejeweled,” so a ring and a marriage proposal would show up on the screen when she reached a certain score. The reprogramming was a tricky task and took him a month. Li reached the needed score — and said yes. “I thought it was pretty cool, in a nerdy way,” Peng said Man That’s Dumb:Police in Athens, Georgia, say that they got a major clue to the identity of a suspect in the armed robbery of a convenience store — his job application. Investigators there say that the man, identified as 28-year-old Demetrius Robinson, filled out the application to kill time while waiting for all the customers to leave the Golden Pantry store. According to authorities, it was Robinson who then pulled out a knife and held up the store. The job application gave Robinson’s name and an uncle’s phone number, but a fake address. Police arrested him April 5 on armed robbery charges.
Hooked On Facts:85% of men don’t use the slit in their underwear. The Blue Whale’s tongue weighs more than an adult elephant!
Bluebirds cannot see the color blue. Whoopi Goldberg’s real name is Caryn Elaine Johnson. A group of frogs is called an army. In Cleveland, Ohio it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. The average life span of a hermit crab is 75 years! Roosters can’t crow if they can’t fully extend their necks. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts. The American Automobile Association was founded for the sole purpose of warning motorists of police speed traps!
Just Joking:How To Live Longer:A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So he decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he could do. “What you should do is go out and buy a late ‘70 or early ‘80 model Pickup,” said the Pastor. “Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma.” The fellow asked, “Will this help me live longer?” “No,” said the pastor, “but it will make what time you do have seem like forever.” Half The Road:A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, “He wouldn’t let me have my half of the road!” After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, “That old lady says that you wouldn’t let her have her half of the road. Why not? In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, “Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!”
Lobster & Crab:A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore. “It’ll never work, honey.” he says to her. “Crabs walk sideways and we walk straight.” “Please,” she begs her father. “Just meet him once. I know you’ll like him.” Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie. The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloved’s family. He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight! On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can. Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter..... “I knew it! Here comes that crab and he’s drunk!”
Words of Wisdom:One evening an old man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?” The old man simply replied, “The one you feed.” |
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