2008 Archives
Week 27, 2008: The Laughable News | Week 27, 2008: The Laughable News |
In The News:Grandpa Sets Record in 100 Meter Dash:A 104-year-old South African man has set a new world record for the 100 meter race. Phillip Rabinowitz, from Cape Town, is now officially the world’s fastest centenarian sprinter, reports the Daily Mirror. He finished the 100 meters in 30.86 seconds, knocking more than five seconds off the previous best. It’s not quite the 9.74 seconds set by Asafa Powell in 2007 but Phil is 80 years older than the world record holder. Phillip said: “I’ve always run and walked everywhere because when I was a kid there weren’t any cars.” What Are The Odds?A taxi driver unwittingly became the getaway driver for a thief who had just burgled his home. Mr Shen, of Huainan city, picked up the passenger at a bus stop at around 3am. “He had a lot of home appliances, so I helped him put all of his things into the cab,” he said. “I noticed he had a fish without a tail, and I thought how much it looked like the fish in my freezer at home. But then I laughed at myself for even having the thought.” Mr Shen only realised the truth when he later returned home to find his house broken into and his possessions - including the tail-less fish - missing. Police later arrested a 56-year-old man who faces charges of burglary and theft. Hooked On Facts:The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru, and produces a shock of 400-650 volts. A frog can’t empty its stomach by vomiting. To empty its stomach contents, a frog throws up it’s stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it’s mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach’s contents and then swallows the stomach back down again. One quarter of the human brain is used to control the eyes. What you find when you shave the striped fur off of a tiger? Striped skin. A hedgehog’s heart beats 300 times a minute on average. On average, a person will spend about five years eating during his or her lifetime. Just Joking:Here Is The Good News:A large two-engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down. “No problem,” the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly.” Easy Money:A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5.” Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $100!” This catches the engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The engineer doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer. Now, it’s the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?” The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks “Well, so what’s the answer?” Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep. Watch The Bird:Mrs. Broomfield’s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. By the way, don’t worry about my Rottweiler, Brutus. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!” When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield’s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled: “Shut up, you stupid bird!” To which the parrot replied: “Get him, Brutus!” |
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