Hooked On Facts:

The earth is .02 degrees hotter during a full moon.

A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.

A watermelon is a vegetable not a fruit.

Domestic cats hate lemons or other citrus scents.

Heineken beer is designed to ‘foam’ for exactly five minutes.

Snails breathe through their feet.

The ‘vintage date’ on a bottle of wine indicates the year the grapes were picked, not the year of bottling!

The word taxi is spelled the same in English, German, French, Swedish and Portuguese.

Just Joking:

The Dentist:

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want any pain killers because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “ Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”

The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”

The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”

At Least 55:

Policeman to woman he’s just stopped for speeding - “As soon as I saw you coming round the corner, I said to myself, ‘Must be 55 at least’.”

“It’s this dress, officer - it always make me look older!”

Pick 3 Hymns:

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he’d like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

God Versus Science:

One day a group of eminent scientists got together and decided that mankind had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need You. We’re at the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t You just retire?”

God listened very patiently to the man and then said, “Very well, but first, how about this: Let’s have a man-making contest.”

To which the scientist replied, “Okay, great!” But God added, “Now we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said “Sure, no problem!” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You got to get your own dirt!”

Hidden Cameras:

Billy Bob caught his friend Bubba searching high and low all around his living room.

Billy Bob said, “What are you searching for?” Bubba replies, “Hidden cameras!” “And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?” says Billy Bob.

Bubba said, “That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why, every few minutes he says, ‘You are watching MTV!’ How does he know that?”