The Laughable News

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Week 11, 2008: The Laughable News

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In The News:

That’s A Big Frog!

The bones of a frog the size of a bowling ball, with heavy armor and teeth has been unearthed by scientists. It would have lived among dinosaurs millions of years ago - and it was intimidating enough that scientists who unearthed its fossils dubbed the beast Beelzebufo, or Devil Toad.

The discovery, led by paleontologist David Krause at New York’s Stony Brook University, was recently published by the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

“This frog, if it has the same habits as its living relatives in South America, was quite voracious,” Krause said. “It’s even conceivable that it could have taken down some hatchling dinosaurs.”

Wooden Cars:

A US designer is working on the world’s first wooden supercar: The Splinter.

Joe Harmon, 27, started the project with other students at North Carolina State University to see whether it was possible to build a performance car out of wood. Their creation - the Splinter - should be completed later this year and they believe it should be capable of speeds in excess of 240mph.

Mr Harmon said: “Wood is a truly amazing material to work with. It has a higher strength-to-weight ratio than aluminium or steel, and it possesses a versatility that makes many different types of construction techniques possible.

“The look, feel, and smell of a natural material like wood are not seen elsewhere and cannot be faked, and the satisfaction involved in making something from a piece of wood is awesome. “

Hooked On Facts:

The bark of an older redwood tree is fireproof.

Until the 1960’s men with long hair were not allowed to enter Disneyland.

Attics were invented in Attica.

Honey is used sometimes for antifreeze mixtures and in the center of golf balls.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

In Africa, pregnant and lactating women are able to satisfy the nutritional needs of their bodies by eating clay!

Brought to you by HookedOnFacts.com

Just Joking:

Extreme Sports For Dummies:

Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, “I don’t think much of this budgie jumping.”

The other moron replies, “Yeah, I’m not too keen on this paragliding either.”

Property Laws As Seen By Toddlers:

1. If I like it, it’s mine.

2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.

5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I’m doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks like mine, it’s mine.

8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

Also...

11. If you built it, I get to knock it down.

Waiter!

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I’m sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.

Pastor’s Business Cards:

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.”

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”