Hooked On Facts:

Ducks will only lay eggs early in the morning.

Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada has the most bars per capita than anywhere else in the world.

The symbol on the ‘pound’ key (#) is called an octothorpe.

Ninety-nine percent of pumpkins sold in the United States are for the sole purpose of decoration.

It’s illegal to own a red car in Shanghai, China.

On average women can hear better than men.

Apotemnophilia is a desire to become an amputee.

91% of us lie regularly.

The normal static electricty shock that zaps your finger when you touch a doorknob is usually between 10,000 and 30,000 volts!

Eagles mate while airborne.

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Just Joking:

Baby Weight:

A blonde, carrying a baby in her arms, enters a pharmacy and asks to use the infant scale to weigh the baby.

The clerk explains that the infant scale is out for repair, but she could figure out the infant’s weight by weighing mother and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

“Oh, that will never work!” groaned the blonde. “I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt!”

Tense Moment:

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?”

She says, “Oh, that. My father’s ashes are in there...”

He turns beet red in embarrassment for having brought up such a tender subject and says, “Geez, oh, er...I...”

She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

Getting In To Heaven:

“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children all answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”

Again, the answer was, “NO!”

“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?”

Again, they all answered, “NO!”

“Well,” I continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?”

A five-year-old boy shouted out, “YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!”

Saint Lucas:

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?’

‘Yes,’ the professor answered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.’

‘Well,’ said the gatekeeper. ‘That is a very minor sin. You may enter.’

‘Thank you very much, Saint Peter,’ the professor answered.

I am not Saint Peter,’ said the gatekeeper. ‘He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.’