The Laughable News

Home

2008 Archives

Week 09, 2008: The Laughable News

Untitled Document

In The News:

Doggy Theatre:

An Austrian cinema is letting movie-goers take their pet dogs to films with them in a bid to lure more customers. The Admiral cinema in Vienna has been struggling against competition from new multiplex cinemas which have been built nearby. So cinema bosses have started a monthly Doggy Day in a bid to offer something different from their brash modern rivals. Visitors pay £4 for a ticket while their pet pooch can go in for free and are given a blanket to snuggle up on in their seats, as well as water and popcorn.

A spokesman said: “The only thing different from a normal movie showing is that, on the insistence of local veterinary authorities, the volume levels for the films are turned down a bit so as not to hurt the animals’ ears.”

Thomas Feldinger, 24, who has already attended one of the doggy days with his pet Labrador Hanjo, said: “It’s a great idea. Hanjo loved it in there and so did all the other dogs. I thought they might all make a noise and bark through the films but once the film started going they all settled down in their blankets and watched quietly.”

Refrigerate Your Turtle?

In London, the warm winter may be rousing hibernating pet tortoises early and endangering their lives but there is a solution, experts say -- keep them through the winter in the fridge. Tortoise experts say unseasonably warm weather has woken many of the reptiles early, leaving their owners needing to keep them warm through any new cold snaps that could kill them.

“The fridge is an ideal method and a proven way of being safe in a changing climate,” said Joy Bloor, owner of one of country’s largest sanctuaries, the Tortoise Garden in Cornwall, where dozens of tortoises have woken early this year. “If you open the door every day they should get enough air,” she said. “But you shouldn’t go away on holiday and leave them.”

Tortoises hibernate through the winter but need to keep their body temperature between 3 and 5 degrees Celsius. If it rises above that, they wake up, begin digesting food and will die if the temperature falls again. In any case, once the tortoises have woken, they cannot simply be put a fridge -- once the hibernation has been broken, the fall in temperature would kill them.

Hooked On Facts:

Turkey’s often look up at the sky during a rainstorm. Unfortunately some have been known to drown as a result.

A ‘face-off’ in hockey was originally called a ‘puck-off’.

Israel is one quarter the size of the state of Maine.

15 percent of Americans secretly bite their toes.

Brought to you by HookedOnFacts.com

Just Joking:

50/50:

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a Fast Food joint. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”

Sweepstakes Scams:

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

Wedding Thoughts:

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?”

His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”

The boy thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”

Speedy Excuse:

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.

Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures “what the heck,” and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a moment and said... “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!”