2008 Archives Week 05, 2008: The Laughable News | Week 05, 2008: The Laughable News |
In The News:Self Serve Restaurants?From ATM’s to pumping your own gas, grocery stores to airports, self-service has come a long way. With the world’s technological advances taking enormous strides, what can possibly be next in the world of consumer-driven convenience? Well, you may see the latest trend at your local restaurant: Touch Screen Menus. Ever find yourself unable to get the attention of a waiter? It can be frustrating. But soon that may be a problem of the past thanks to new tableside touch screens. The order goes directly from your fingertips to the kitchen or bar, eliminating the possibility of human error during the transaction process. The new technology is being used at uWink, the latest offering from the founder of Chuck E. Cheese. The company said the new system is providing faster service, fewer mistakes and fewer interruptions. Critics fear the trend will lead to less attentive waiters, but many believe the opposite to be true. Many of these systems actually have controls in them which can summon the wait staff upon demand. Bad News & Good News:A lucky couple expecting to cash in their winning Michigan Lottery ticket became a bit peeved when a store clerk turned down their request. The convenience store owner Eli Kabban said the man and woman showed up with what they thought was a $150 winning ticket. They complained when the clerk told them they would have to collect their winnings in Lansing, the state capital, 150 miles away. Kabban said he took the couple into his office and explained the ticket was actually worth $250,000. He says they were “in shock” at the news, but obviously content to make the drive to the capital to claim their prize. Hooked On Facts:Most of a hog’s sweat glands are in its snout. Today’s top fuel dragsters take off with more force than the space shuttle. Jimmy Hoffa’s middle name is, appropriately, Riddle. The cruise liner, ‘Queen Elizabeth 2’, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. Annually, the amount of garbage that is dumped in the world’s oceans is three times the weight of fish that is caught from the oceans. Alaska has the highest percentage of people who walk to work. George Washington grew marijuana in his garden. A volcano has enough power to shoot ash as high as 50 km into the atmosphere. A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.
Just Joking:Good News & Bad News:An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work, and wondered if they would increase in value after your death. When I told him they would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.” “That’s great news,” the artist said. “What’s the bad news?” “He was your doctor.” Someone Call A Doctor:It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a blonde rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.” The blonde stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.” Who Brews The Coffee?each morning. The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.” Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.” Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.” So she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament, and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says: “HEBREWS”
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