2007 Archives Week 2, 2007 - The Laughable News | Week 2, 2007 - The Laughable News |
In The News:Woman Swallows Spoon:A young Australian woman got more than she bargained for during a dinner conversation when she laughed so hard she accidentally swallowed a spoon. The 26-year-old ingested a teaspoon when she was overcome by the giggles while eating spaghetti, The Sunday Telegraph newspaper said. The 15-centimetre (six-inch) spoon stuck in her throat at the top of her stomach. Doctors at Canterbury Hospital sedated the woman and removed it "with great difficulty" during a 90-minute operation. Warning Labels On Products:
Are people really this silly? You bet! If a product
has a warning label, it usually means someone has done the thing
mentioned on the label and then sued. These are real warning labels
entered in the Wacky Warning Label Contest. A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed A nine- by three-inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device." A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene." A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn” A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.” Hooked On Facts:Goat's milk is used more widely throughout the world than cow's milk. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister. It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. Persia changed its name to Iran in 1935.
Just Joking:The Problem With Golf:The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you. I Did All Of That?After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the golfer responded. "Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" "Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked. "Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?" The golfer thought it over carefully and responded... "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb." STAND UP!A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off. The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him. He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand." The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!" The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing. Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
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