| Week 9, 2007 - The Laughable News |
In The News:Drunk Fisherman Catches Shark!A fisherman fuelled by vodka caught a 1.3-metre (4-foot) shark and wrestled it onto a jetty on Australia's south coast, suffering only small tear marks in his trousers, media reports said on Friday. Phillip Kerkhof, 41, caught the bronze whaler shark by hand on Monday after he spotted it chasing squid lures near the jetty at the tiny seaside town of Louth Bay in the South Australia state. "I just snuck up behind him and eventually I went for the big grab and I fluked it and got him," Kerkhof told Australian Broadcasting Corp. The area near Louth Bay, around the southern tip of South Australia's Eyre Peninsula, is well known for sharks, and live shark action for the 1975 movie Jaws was filmed nearby. Kerkhof, who said he had "a fair few vodkas" before he went fishing, said he only realised the danger of his actions the following day. "It's not something I'd recommend to do," he said. "When I sobered up I thought about it and I said, 'I'm a bit of an idiot doing it'."Hooked On Facts:French was the official language of England for over 600 years. Linen can absorb up to 20 times its weight in moisture before it feels damp! Seaweed is used to thicken icecream. The chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery tickets is greater than your chances of winning. A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or late afternoon. Most of a hog's sweat glands are in its snout. The speed of a typical raindrop is 17 miles per hour. The volume of the Earth's moon is the same as the volume of the Pacific Ocean
Just Joking:Blood Circulation:A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" Little Johnny shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty. Annual Sale:It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again. As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store. Will You Marry After I Die?WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed
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