| Week 41, 2007 - The Laughable News |
In The News:It’s Not A Cure For Cancer...But It’s Still Wonderful:Scientists have developed a non-stick chewing gum that can be easily removed from pavement, shoes and clothes. “The advantage of our Clean Gum is that it has a great taste, it is easy to remove and has the potential to be environmentally degradable,” said Terence Cosgrove, a professor of chemistry who helped found a company called Revolymer to commercialise the technology. Today’s chewing gums are made from synthetic latex, which is resistant to the weather and is strongly adhesive. The new gum adds a special polymer to modify its properties, making it far less sticky. Man Refuses Lottery Winnings:No, this was not an envelope, in the mail, claiming “You may have already won 2 million. Reply now for your prize!” This German pensioner actually won £2 million on the lottery and then refused the cash. Why? Because he didn’t know what to do with it. The 70-year-old man from Hameln, Lower Saxony, went to the HQ of the German lottery association in Hanover after finding out about his win and told them he did not want the money. He said he had only bought the lottery ticket out of a habit because his late wife had been a passionate player. Lottery officials said they were trying to persuade him to keep the money. Hooked On Facts:In 1910 football teams were penalized 15 yards for an incomplete forward pass. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a poisonous spider! In Spain, it is common to pour chocolate milk on cereal for breakfast. It takes six months to build a Rolls Royce...and 13 hours to build a Toyota. Burt Reynolds is a Cherokee Indian. The Canary Islands were not named after a bird called the canary. They were named after a breed of dogs! Dentists in medieval Japan extracted teeth by pulling them out with their fingers. King Kong was Adolf Hitler’s favorite movie. A baby eel is called an elver, a baby oyster is called a spat.
Just Joking:The Lost Purse:A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm.... That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles.” The boy replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have change for a reward.” Taxicab Confusion:One night, a man and his wife decide to go out on a date. They get all dolled up, call the cab, and put the cat out. When the cab arives, they head out the door just as the cat darts back inside. The man head backs in to chase out the cat, and his wife heads to the cab. Not wanting to let on that no one would be home that night, she explains to the driver, “He’s just going back in to say good-night to my mother.” In a few minutes, the man returns to explain, “Sorry it took me so long. The old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!” You're Right!One day, Harry and Sarah were having a petty argument. After shouting back and forth, Sarah finally says, “Let’s make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong.” Harry thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first. Sarah replied, “I’m sorry Harry, I am wrong.” In response, Harry shouts happily, “You’re right!”
Riddles:1. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? 2. What can be heard and caught but never seen? 3. What is it that when you take away the whole, you still have some left over? 4. This is as light as a feather, yet no man can hold it for long. What is it? 5. I am not alive, but I grow; I don’t have lungs, but I need air; I don’t have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I? 6. A black dog stands in the middle of an intersecton in a town painted black. None of the street lights are working due to a power failure caused by a storm. A car with two broken headlights drives towards the dog but turns in time to avoid hitting him. How could the driver have seen the dog in time? Answers 1. Yesterday, Today, And Tomorrow 2. A Remark 3. Wholesome 4. Your Breath 5. Fire 6. Who said this happened during the night?
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