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Week 39, 2007 - The Laughable News

In The News:

Now That Is Service:

In an attempt to interest people in a “been there, done that” world, the Las Vegas Hilton has gone to the extreme...extremely cool that is. A lot of Vegas casinos comp the high rollers with free flights to Nevada, but only the Las Vegas Hilton will pick you up in a MiG fighter jet.

“This is not a ride simulation,” says Captain Cox, “this is a genuine Soviet-era high-performance military aircraft, with a top speed of 600 miles per hour. Its power and maneuverability are unmatched in a jet of this type. But, we take it easy on participants and only do maneuvers that they are comfortable with and discussed beforehand. Safety and comfort are our top priority.”

Is “Dumb” In Fashion Nowadays? What’s Up With These People?

1. A woman was arrested and charged with arson and burglary after police say she set fire to the home of a neighbor she thought had stolen her keys. The 23-year-old woman later found her keys hanging from her pants pocket.

2. A genius decided a school would be an easy target to rob: A karate school. The good news is that he’ll have plenty of time to think through his cunning plan in the hospital recovery ward.

“The man entered the academy with a firearm, but could not intimidate the dozens of students, who fortunately reacted and disarmed him,” said Colonel Julio Cesar Santoyo, police commander in the province of Santander.

Police arrived at the scene only to take the would-be robber to hospital for treatment of multiple contusions at the hands of the karate students.

Hooked On Facts:

A roach can live up to nine days without its head.

Pound for Pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars!

One cubic mile of seawater contains about 50 pounds of gold.

The state sport of Maryland is Jousting.

Dragonflies can travel up to 60 mph.

New York’s Central Park is nearly twice the size of the entire country of
Monaco.

All species of beetles are edible.

J. Edgar Hoover liked to fire FBI agents whose palms were sweaty when shaking hands.

Brought to you by HookedOnFacts.com

Just Joking:

Learning A Hard Lesson:

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout. Turning to him she said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”

He answered, “That’s okay.”

“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Good bye, Mom” as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy.”

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.”

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his Groceries.

“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.

“How come so much ... I only bought 5 items..”

The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.”

Lesson: Don’t trust little Old Ladies!!!

~ Submitted by K.Van Someren of Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada ~

Avoiding Worms:

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

“Now, class, closely observe the worms,” said the professor while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

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