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Week 34, 2007 - The Laughable News

In The News:

Squirrel Thief:

A Finnish squirrel with a sweet tooth heads to a Finnish grocery shop at least twice a day to steal “Kinder Surprise” chocolate-shelled eggs.

The treat, which is intended for children, has a toy inside. “It removes the foil carefully, eats the chocolate and leaves the store with the toy,” Irene Lindroos said.

Unfortunately, the bushy-tailed thief does not clean up after itself, but leaves the wrappers behind, she added.

More Dumb Crooks:

Two bold burglars struck a Texas store that sells some of the best security equipment money can buy...and not one or two, but 17 cameras were rolling when they did, catching all their quick work on tape. I’d guess they were caught.

Player Wins Lottery Twice...By Mistake:

A lottery winner doubled his share of the jackpot to nearly 1 million pounds after he mistakenly bought two lucky tickets for the same draw, organizers Camelot said Wednesday.

Derek Ladner, 57, from Cornwall, England, and his wife Dawn, 60, won with their usual numbers in the mid-week draw, sharing the 2.4 million pounds jackpot with four other tickets.

A week later, he found a second identical ticket in his wallet and realized he had absent-mindedly entered twice. Well, good news for him! Their double-share is worth just under a million pounds.

Hooked On Facts:

A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for approximately sixty-nine years.

In 2003, the U.S. Government spent about $2,000,000.00 on potato research!

Car airbags kill 1 person for every 22 lives that they save.

If you are bitten by a poisonous snake, and fail to receive medical attention, you still have a 50% chance of survival.

The human brain is insensitive to pain.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history to not have a full moon.

The speed of a typical raindrop is 17 miles per hour.

Brought to you by HookedOnFacts.com

Just Joking:

Lawyer On Vacation:

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?”

The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.”

The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “how do you start a flood?”

New Office:

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn’t considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you man”, he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

Alligator:

One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma’s kitchen.

“Well now, where’s my bucket and where’s my water?” Grandma asked him.

“I can’t get any water from that water hole, Grandma” exclaimed Johnny.

“There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down there!”

“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnny. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

“Well, Grandma,” replied Johnny, “if he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”