Hooked On Facts:

The first TV commercial showed a Bulova watch ticking onscreen for exactly 60 seconds.

It takes the same amount of time to age a cigar as wine.

Lima beans contain cyanide!

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

During his or her lifetime, the average human will grow 590 miles of hair.

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Just Joking:

Computer Troubles:

Carol was having trouble with her computer. So she called Glenn, the computer guy, over to her desk. Glenn clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, Carol called after him, “So, what was wrong?” And he replied, “It was an ID Ten T Error.”

A puzzled expression ran riot over Carol’s face. “An ID Ten T Error? What’s that ... in case I need to fix it again??”

He gave her a grin... “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?” “No,” replied Carol. “Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T

What Are You Smuggling?

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?””Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that..... get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks,”What have you got?” “Sand,” says Juan.The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina on the Mexican side of the border. “Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about..... I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

The Diagnosis:

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. Do all of these things and he should continue to live for another 15 or 20 years.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”

“You’re going to die.”

Two male flies are buzzing around on a farm when they see a female fly sitting on a freshly laid mound of horse flop. They look at each other and one of the male flies says,” I’m going after that pretty little miss, ....wish me luck!”

So he swoops down onto another freshly laid pile right next to the female, fly and says, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?”