The Laughable News

Home

Week 25, 2007 - The Laughable News

In The News:

Elephant Toll Booth:

An elephant in eastern India has sparked complaints from motorists who accuse it of blocking traffic and refusing to allow vehicles to pass unless drivers give it food, a newspaper reported on Monday.

“The elephant has been forcing motorists to roll down their windows and get out of the car. It then inserts its trunk inside the vehicle and sniffs for food,” local resident Prabodh Mohanty, who has come across the elephant twice, was quoted as saying.

“If you are carrying vegetables and banana inside your vehicle, then it will gulp them and allow you to go.”

If a commuter does not wind down his window or resists opening the vehicle door, the elephant stands in front of the car until the driver allows him to carry out his routine inspection.

How NOT To Get A Date:

Hitting on your victim probably isn’t the best way to get a date.

Police in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, say that two men held up a U-Haul store there in late May. According to investigators, one of the robbers stayed around to sweet-talk a woman who works in the store. The manager says that the bandit was saying such things as, “Hey baby, you’re pretty fine” to the woman. But when the woman refused to give the robber her phone number, he ran away. Police say that they are still looking for the two suspects.

Hooked On Facts:

None of the Beatles knew how to read music. (Paul McCartney eventually taught himself.)

Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.

Contrary to popular belief, opossums, squirrels, chipmunks, and mice do not carry rabies.

Goldfish remember better in cold water than warm water.

The estimated number of M&M’s sold each day in the United States is 200,000,000.

Sheep can recognize other sheep from pictures!

Brought to you by HookedOnFacts.com

Just Joking:

He's Cheating:

A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker.

“I win!” said Johnson.

Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!”

“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.

“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”

Last Meal:

Three guys are about to be executed and they are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The first guy responds, “Pepperoni Pizza”, which he is served and then executed.

The second guy requests, “Fillet Mignon”, which he is served and then executed.

The third guy requests a plate of strawberries.

“STRAWBERRIES”, questions the guard.

“Yes, Strawberries.”

“But they are out of season!”

“So, I’ll wait.”

Fallout:

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.

The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh, sir?”