IBuilder Colin Jones is so sick of attacks from dive-bombing seagulls he’s hired a £6-an-hour bodyguard to fend them off with a kitchen broom.

Colin, 38, put a job advert up in his local Asda after he was repeatedly pecked by the birds while working on rooftop projects in Brighton. He received 20 phone calls and the successful applicant Steve Jackow - now nicknamed Steven Seagull - spends his time scaring off pesky gulls by waving a broom in the air.

Colin said: “I don’t know what it is about me they don’t like but I’ve got cuts and bruises all over my face and body.”

More Dumb Crooks :

A robber demanded his victim’s wallet and car keys, then dumped him in the trunk of his car and withdrew cash with his bank card early Sunday, police said.

Martino Williamson is wishing he had taken Ira Sully’s cell phone, too.

Sully called police from inside the trunk and described the car and Williamson, who was caught a short time later when an officer matched him and the car to Sully’s description, police said in a report.

Hooked On Facts:

More than 50% of Americans fall asleep on their sides.

You share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world.

All babies are color blind when they are born.

Justin Timberlake’s half-eaten french toast sold for over $3,000 on eBay!

Houdini was the first man to fly a plane solo in Australia.

It takes a drop of ocean water more than 1,000 years to circulate around the world.

Seaweed can grow up to 12 inches per day!

Brought to you by HookedOnFacts.com

Just Joking:

Defamation Of Character:

A woman was suing a man for defamation of character, charging that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial, he asked the Judge, “Does this mean that I can’t call Miss Stuart a pig?” The Judge said that was accurate.

“Does this also mean that I can’t call a pig ‘Miss Stuart’?” the man asked. The Judge told the man that he could indeed call a pig ‘Miss Stuart’ with no fear of legal action.

The man then turned to Miss Stuart and said, “Good afternoon, Miss Stuart!”

Bad Grade:

A student said to Professor Stigler: “Professor Stigler, I don’t believe I deserve this F you’ve given me.”

To which Stigler replied, “I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the
University will allow me to award.”

A Case Made For Drinking Beer:

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

UFO:

The Americans and the Russians had a car race, in which the car from America won.

However, the report in the newspapers of Russia, read as follows –

“In a recent motor race, the Russian car finished in second place, while the American car finished next to last.”

(There were only two cars involved!)

Blonde & Brunette :

There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on.

The blonde turns around and says “yes, no, yes, no.....”

Definition Of Junk :

Junk- something you’ve kept for years and throw it away three weeks before you need it.