| Week 16, 2007 - The Laughable News |
In The News:Man Swims Amazon:After 3,272 miles of exhaustion, sunburn, delirium and piranhas, a 52-year-old Slovenian successfully completed a swim down the Amazon River that could set a world record for distance - something he’s already done three times before. He said he was lucky to have escaped encounters with piranhas, the dreaded toothpick fish, and even bull sharks that swim in shallow waters and can live for a while in fresh water. Asked about new adventures, he said: “I am not thinking about that right now ... But I’ll find some other crazy swim, maybe in a lake or in an ocean.” Are Those sheep Red?Andrew Jack sprayed his 54-strong flock before releasing them on to the Pyramid Hills by the M8 in West Lothian. Mr Jack told the Scotsman: “The sheep are causing quite a stir. We used a sheep spray, but it was totally animal-friendly and would not do the sheep any harm. We will leave them like that until it is time to shear their coats off.” The idea was the brainchild of managers at the Pyramid Business Park in Bathgate, and was designed to keep their workers and passers-by travelling on the M8 entertained. It follows the M8 Art project, which created artistic talking-points along the main travel corridor between east and west. Hooked On Facts:
It takes up to four hours to hard boil an ostrich egg.
One in 500 humans has one blue eye and one brown eye. Traces of cocaine were found on 99% of UK bank notes in a survey in London in 2000. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. Antarctica is a desert. The Nestles haven’t run Nestle since 1875. Goats do not have upper front teeth. The first household refrigerators cost about $16,000, in today’s money! The first hard drive available for the Apple II had a capacity of only 5 megabytes.
Just Joking:You Know What:Two guys were talking at work. “I’ve got a problem,” said the first one. “What is it?” “My wife has done it to me again. I’m supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it’s HER mother, why can’t she buy it?” “What did you buy her last year?” the other one asked. “Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot.” “Hmmmm, hard to top that one,” said the other. The two guys couldn’t come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn’t buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday. When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, “Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren’t so thoughtful!” Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, “Well, you haven’t used the gift I gave you last year!” White Hairs :A little girl was standing by her mom at the kitchen sink She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then
said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?” Parting Words :Three buddies are sitting around talking one day when they begin to discuss what they would like their friends and families to say about them as they’re laying in their caskets at their funerals. The first man says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.” The second man says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.” The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say... LOOK!! HE’S MOVING!!!”
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